on June 12, 2013in Relationshipstags: ego, how to overcome lust, Live in the now, lust, romance, tantra, the origin of lust, the origin of romance, where does lust come from
Be Happy, Now! Practical Spirituality with Dr. Moses.
Lust originates in the wanting need for survival and food in the first stage of life, from 0 to 7 years of age. Romance originates in the second stage of life, from 7 – 14 years old, which is the time of emotional, social, and relational development. It is then that we learn the position of rejection, loneliness, and “you don’t love me.” Both can be overcome through constant awareness and devotion, forgetting the ego.
Blessings and Peace! Enjoy!
Love,
Dr. Moses
Transcription:
[00:09] Hello, I’m Doctor Moses and today we’re gonna be talking about lust and romanticism – or being romantic. Let’s get right into it, first I wanna briefly discuss the difference between lustfulness and being romantic, especially between men and women, now – both men and women are going to struggle with both lust and romanticism, or the desire or wanting need for romance. And they’re both very, very similar; they’re both actually almost the same type of reactions that happen in the body.
During sex usually, for like a man, a lot of times the man is having lustful thoughts in a sense, during the sexual act itself. And those lustful thoughts whether it’s towards his partner, believe it or not, which I can explain later in another podcast; but whether that lust is towards the partner or towards someone else, or the imagination, or, you know – images, and all these things that come into the mind – and so, and this is how the man will get off in a sense. And it’s very similar to the masturbatory process, or during masturbation, there’s obviously the genital stimulation, but there’s also a whole slew of images and the imagination is running as far as having sex with people or with pictures or imagined things that we’ve seen on the internet or whatever it is.
[02:00] And so, now – and for the woman now there’s obviously also a lustful process going on, but a lot of times with women there’s more of a romantic process that happens, for example the woman may get off more on, you know, the imagination of a certain situation. Or being with a certain person, you know, or some kind of romantic illusory illusion process. Now, this podcast is not a judgement towards anyone; we all have these similar struggles, we all have these similar struggles. Now men tend to struggle more with the lust, women tend to struggle more with the need for romantic, for romanticism. But there’s obviously a mixture; many men also have this need for being romantic, and many women also lust. And they’re both kinda the same and they’re kinda intertwined together. So we’re not judging anyone, we’re thinking about ourselves, we’re going inward – we are examining ourselves and examining what we do; whether it’s during sex, or if you’re not sexually active, during masturbation, and if you don’t have sex or masturbate, then during the times when you are feeling lustful or feeling like you need a certain romanticism to be happy.
[03:23] So this is a self-examination process, this is not to look at someone else and say: oh yes, my husband does this, or my wife does that, or my girlfriend wants this or whatever. No, no, no – this is an internal process of internal self-examination. Otherwise we’re just judging and the ego is just being active and we’re not getting anything out of it. Alright. So where does lust and romanticism originate? Well first let me talk about lust; basically, quickly, from 0 – 7 years old is the first stage of life. And during that infant, toddler, childhood stage, we have this need to be with our parents, and especially to be with the mother. And we have a complicated almost sexual relationship which is called the Oedipus Complex and you can look that up on the internet and I’ll talk about it another day. But we have this Oedipal relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, so boys with their moms, girls with their dads. And we have this especially needy, dependant relationship on our moms – everyone does, boys and girls. And so, when we’re born, we need to eat, if we don’t eat we’ll die, and so there’s this sense, there’s this internal anxiety and this struggle and this dependence we have on our mom.
[04:45] Now, even when we’re first born and we come out, we’re taken away from the mother, in a sense, and we have this immediate need for this motherly intimacy. Now depending on your childhood, on how you grew up and much intimacy there was between you and your mom, whether you’re a boy or a girl, male or female, that’s going to influence this process. There’s no blame. We don’t wanna play the blame game; so no matter what has happened between you and your mother, it’s now my responsibility to overcome these problems, these desires. So we’re not looking at that to blame that situation – we’re looking at it to understand some of the origins. So we’re taken away from the mom, now we need to suckle, we need to breastfeed, we need food for survival. We’re so dependant, so needy, that it creates an almost like an anxiety. And at this point, we should realise that the importance of 0 – 7 years old, of giving our babies, our children, or toddlers tons of love, tons of intimacy, tons of physical affection: hugs, holding, I love you, you are wonderful, you are amazing, I am here for you always; and this breeds that sense of security. On the other end we have- so even if we’re given all that or we give that to our children, there’s still going to be an unresolved possible sense of insecurity, of fear, and loneliness and separation.
[06:20] So this is where the separation comes from. So we feel separated, we feel lonely and we think that if we fill our mouths with something, in other words if we eat, or if we have sex, or if we suck, it’s all oral – this fixation, if we chew gum, if we smoke cigarettes, if we eat that food; it’s this addiction, this pleasurised addiction type of feeling, we’re looking for unity again. We’re taken away from our mothers from 0 – 7 years old, and now we’re, we want to go back to that, we want to reunite in a sense with our mother; and we think that if we can fill our mouths with something or if we can have sex, if we can have these pleasures, if we can have these addictions, we’ll somehow feel whole once again.
[07:09] And this is where the concept of the orgasm comes in, where we think that if we have an orgasm it’s like: Aaah! This Hallelujah moment experience, where everything’s gonna be back to this prior unity. Obviously, that’s false. So, what we need to do is go back to the prior unity that was before you were even born. That was when you first existed as a soul, as an entity, as God breathed us and created us as souls; before we were even born. We were at a state of perfect unity, perfect oneness, perfect love, and perfect wholeness. Happiness, that comes deep from within the heart. And so recognising lust for what it is, it’s the ego that thinks that if we could somehow have sex with this person, or with that person, or somehow experience certain sexual pleasures, positions, imaginations, whatever it is; that somehow we would be happy, that somehow then it would be ok. So when we feel these lustful emotions and these lustful feelings, happening in our bodies – whether it’s during sex, during masturbation, or just during whatever time during the day, we need to recognise these feelings and these thoughts for what they are. They are a lie. It’s the ego trying to convince us that we could be happy if we had that. And the reality is, for those of us who have had lots of sex, there are those of us who have had tons of sex with tons of different people’ and they know the reality that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. There is no end to the desire, there is no end to the pleasures. The pleasures just keep getting more and they keep getting higher and more intense, then they get combined with drugs for example. Now the person is doing cocaine while having sex; and this goes on and on – then it becomes two people or three people at the same time, then it becomes a different nationality: Oh if I could only have sex with, you know, this nationality, with, you know, whatever it is. The blonde or the Asian, or whatever.
[10:00] Then I would be happy. Then, then that would be it. You know. And for the people that have done that, if you talk to them and you pick their brain and ask them deeply, are they happy? Is that it? They’re gonna say no. And for ourselves, it’s even if you just think of masturbation for example, a person is aroused, is horny, and then they feel like they need to masturbate, you know, and that – so maybe they’re gonna watch porn or maybe they’re gonna read a romantic novel or some kind of romantic things on the internet. And imagine some kind of story, or whatever. And then the masturbation happens and then afterwards, it’s just done, I mean the energy goes away, and there isn’s a satisfaction, there isn’t a contentment. There’s a temporary satisfaction obviously, the sexual release, there’s a stress relief; but there’s no joy, there’s no deep happiness, there’s no real contentment in the process. And of course after it’s over, you know, after an hour or a day or a week or however long it takes, obviously we get aroused again; we’re horny again. And now it’s back to seeking those pleasures, trying to find happiness once again through the sexual act.
[11:25] So, the point is, the first thing to understand, is that lust is fake; is that lust is something that our ego is looking for something else to be happy. And so the first thing to do is to recognise that. Because if you don’t recognise that, the ego is gonna be so active and so overpowering, that it’s just basically a struggle. And if we’re struggling and fighting against the ego it doesn’t work. It’s like fighting fire with fire. The ego doesn’t work with fighting. Ok? The only way to overcome the ego is to let it go, is to forget it. And to forget the ego, is to pay attention to something else. And so what do we pay attention to? Well this is the process of spiritual growth. It is the process of paying attention. You can have intense, deep paying attention in meditation, now if you’re not meditating though; just during the regular day or during the time when these lustful thoughts start to overcome; and for some of us especially as teenagers; it may be constant throughout the day. For some adults maybe it’s less, and for some people it may be only once in a while.
[12:54] But the point is that when these lustful thoughts happen and when they don’t happen on a constant basis, what we want to be practising is devotion. And so, devotion to who, devotion to what? Well, number one is the process of being present. You know, the process of breathing, and paying attention to the now. When we pay attention to this moment, and we accept this moment as it is, we realise that at this moment, nothing is lacking. At this moment, right now, everything is ok. There’s nothing that we need, and there’s nothing to be wanted. To take it a step further, you can feel into your heart and practice devotion. Practice devotion to the now, and depending on your spirituality, devotion to God, devotion to the unfolding Universe in this moment.
[14:17] And feeling, and breathing, and occupying your mind, your body, your senses with God, with the unfolding of the Universe, in this moment – is the practice of devotion. And that has to happen constantly and consistently more and more as you develop your spiritual life. And when you’re paying attention to the heart, in this moment, then you will forget the ego, and you will be able to let go of the lustful thoughts that are constantly bombarding us. Now I went to briefly go over this concept, it’s the same concept for the desire for romantic relationship. Now, from 7 – 14 years old, is the time when we really develop our emotional states. Our desire for acceptance from others which I call the social ego. The social ego, or basically what others expect from us, and our need for acceptance from others. And also to be able to accept ourselves for who we are. And to accept our bodies for what they are. And it’s the time of dealing with our emotions. So that’s from 7 – 14 years old; from 0 – 7 years old it’s more about the physical body, our physical needs; and that’s where we have these thoughts of loneliness, separation; and from 7 – 14 is the emotional. So from 7 – 14 years old is when we start to experience the need for acceptance, which breeds on the ego side, the emotions and feelings of rejection, and betrayal. The feeling of: you don’t love me. And so we go throughout much of our lives, in our relationships, blaming our partners for our unhappiness; and whatever they do, whether they really love us or not – the statement is: but you don’t love me, you don’t love me. And we’ll take about that in more detail in another podcast, right now what I’m trying to say is that the emotional development from 7 – 14 years old is where this need, this wanting need for romanticism, which is basically: I am separate, I am lonely, and I need somebody to pay attention to me; I need someone to make me happy. I need someone to show me that they love me, I need someone to tell me that I’m wanted, that I’m needed. I need someone to celebrate me. And these feelings come from a state of separation, loss, of rejection and betrayal.
[17:30] Why do we need someone to do that for us? It’s because we feel alone, we feel rejected by God, we feel rejected by the Universe. And so, again, as we go through this process of feeling these emotions and these feelings of needing someone to romanticise us – of needing this emotional, you know, thing happening; what we need to do is redirect the emotions. And so as we’re feeling these things; recognise it for what it is, recognise the loneliness, recognise the rejection and the betrayal we’re feeling deep inside; and then take those emotions from the heart, and breathing into the heart, devote them into the now, into God and into the Universe. Literally falling in love with God, Now, Universe, Soul, Energy at this moment; or if you have a guru or physical image of God, whether it’s Jesus, or God the Father, or whomever.
[18:50] As you think of them in your heart, channel those emotions and those feelings, and breathe them into the heart and offer them as devotion; falling in love emotionally, taking the emotion and becoming emotional towards God in a sense. And as we channel our emotions towards God, then we begin to feel the true love of this moment, and the truth of the now, the truth of reality. The reality is that: I am not alone, you are not alone. We are one, we are all one, now. Completely fulfilled and content in this moment, as when we were first created. And so what we want to do is go back to that, and experience the oneness of God, and the knowledge and experience of God; in this moment- where there becomes no more need for either lust, or some romantic gesture which we think is going to make us happy.
[20:14] So that’s really it. That’s the story. Stay tuned, next time we’re gonna be talking about more subjects having to do with sexual intimacy, masturbation, and being sexually intimate with your partner and how we’ve brought lust and romanticism into masturbation and then we bring masturbation into the sexual act itself; and during sex it’s almost like really masturbation, it’s not really a sexually intense, intimate act between us and our partners. And so it’s really interesting what we’ve done there. And so I’m gonna be talking about that in more detail; and again how to transform and transcend this process to make it a much more intense, fulfilling act. And also with masturbation, how to; how can I say- masturbate ‘rightly’ in a sense. And how to balance the body, balance the energies in the body, and attain a level of emotional and physical equanimity – which is a balance; and contentment and happiness. So stay tuned for those podcasts. Thank you so much for listening; visit me at doctormoses.com and have a great day. Bubye.
